Twenty-Ninth Day

I: Who are you?
EYE: Might ask you the same question.
I: Why the sudden shift to stereo?
EYE. Need for dialogue. You’ve entered the angle of percievedness.
I: I?
EYE: Aye. Get up till I observe you.
I: No need. They.
EYE: It is common, it is common: used to Them by now, no? It’s I should rouse your concern.
I: Why?
EYE: Silly question. Don’t flinch while I take a peek around. Not been doing much of that lately, have you?
I: The circumstances don’t permit it –
EYE: The circumstances! The circumstances! Cock and bull! Thought I told you not to panic! Overheads, pencil sharpeners, apocalypse outside the window, Bob’s your uncle, how’s your father –
I: You know my father? God be praised! Tell him I’ll soon be – but no. Forget it.
EYE: Delirium. Serious delirium. Patient told not to panic, only to introduce another voice, another I, mono to stereo, mono to stereo – Don’t flinch while I examine our big toe. Take off that sock.
I: What?
EYE: You heard me. I fancy a look at our big toe. See how the ingrown’s getting along.
I (flinching): No! You’ve no right! That’s private!
EYE (shedding a tear in Its merriment): We’re a funny one today, aren’t we?.. Off with the sock! Yes… Ooh, they all need a bit of a clean, don’t they? Bit of a trim, too. Shouldn’t think there’s much chance of getting hold of some clippers, though. Let’s just get some feelers on the ingrown! Feelers!
I: Not touching the ingrown. It hurts!
EYE: Aye, of course it hurts. The phrase “sensible shoes” never did mean anything to you, did it? I: Don’t look. I forbid you to look!
EYE: “I forbid you to look”, you says! And I says, “I’ll have my look any old how, free to my own devices, I am.”
I: Says you!
EYE: Says I!
I: Just need to talk to someone is all. Can’t carry on like this. Guard! Guard! Guard! Need someone to –
EYE: Keep your voice down, won’t you! Wouldn’t want an independent presiding over this mess. ’Part from that camera over in that corner, she’s all right, she is.
I: She? For God’s sake, this is serious! We need a little focus here!
EYE: We are being serious! A very serious matter indeed. Don’t you know we named her Jeremy?
I (reflecting): Jeremy… Yes, a rather suitable name for a camera… (Aside.) Clear signs of Stockholm Syndrome: the month’s not out and already on first-name terms with the captors!

*

Look back over what I’ve written. Not good. All this time and not a mention of the ingrown! I’m terrifying myself.